BuzzKillJoy

Ten Minutes isn't as easy as I thought it would be.
It's just ten minutes. It's taken me a few days to have another ten minutes.

I find it almost completely amazing that the way that we perceive ourselves and how other perceive us is so totally different. Usually we believe that it's the person perceiving us that is wrong.

I'm not sure why that is. I mean, we are here, inside of ourselves all of the time, complete with internal dialogue to keep our personal universes grounded and afloat.
Who should know us better then ourselves?

And it's so hard to know someone else on the inside, seeing what goes on behind the face that looks out on the world. Getting to experience a personal reality sheathed in a membrane of skin.

I say this because I've been looking at myself and thinking that I'm pretty OK.
A lot of good qualities, which I won't list. It was brought to my attention that there when some parts about me that I kind of glossed over, didn't see, oblivious to.

I haven't been nice. I haven't been aware of how I might effect the moods and feelings of those around me. I usually don't go around spreading joy and good cheer.
I guess a 'BuzzKillJoy'.

My wife brought this to my attention. Well, I guess she's been bringing it to my attention for about 6 years now. I'm only starting to get it. Did I mention that I'm a bit slow? When I look back, down the street of my life, I guess a lot of people have been telling me. And these are people that I should have been listening to. These where people who were very close to me and knew me most of all. I working hard to change all of that. It's not easy, but I think I'm making some ground.

Anyway, this really got me thinking about people in general and how we interface with the general social reality. How much of our true selves do we really let out?
How much is us? How much social convention? How Much Fear? I for sure don't know, but as I look closer at myself I think that maybe I'll keep my eye on you as well.
I've been finding answers in the strangest places.

That's my ten minutes for now.